Friday Funny in color.

March 20, 2009 at 12:55 pm 2 comments

Probably good for a few laughs:

One from past history.

Dick Cheney walks into the Oval Office and sees The President whooping and hollering. “What’s the matter, Mr. President?” The Vice President inquired.
“Nothing at all, boss. I just done finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time!” The President beamed.
“How long did it take you?”
“Well, the box said ‘3 to 5 Years’ but I did it in a month!”

Here is one that is pretty up to date that Cody sent to me:

Due to the popularity of the “Survivor” shows, Texas is planning to do one entitled, “Survivor, Texas-Style.”

The contestants will all start in Dallas, then drive to Waco, Austin, San Antonio, over to Houston and down to Brownsville. They will then proceed up to Del Rio, El Paso, Midland, Odessa, Lubbock and Amarillo. From there they will go on to Abilene, Fort Worth and finally back to Dallas.

Each will be driving a pink Volvo with bumper stickers that read: “I Love the Dixie Chicks,” “Boycott Beef,” “I Voted for Obama,” “George Strait Stinks,” “Hillary in 2012” and “I’m here to confiscate your guns.”

The first one to make it back to Dallas alive wins.

And one because I liked it and I know both Andy and Daryle:

Andy and Daryle are in a mental institution which has an annual contest that picks two of the best patients and gives them two questions. If they answer correctly, they are released.

Andy is called into the doctor’s office first. The doctor says, “Andy, what would happen if I poked out one of your eyes?”

Andy says, “I’d be half blind.”

“That’s correct. What would happen if I poked out both your eyes?”

“I’d be completely blind.” The doctor tells him that he is free to go. On Andy’s way out he tells Daryle the questions and answers.

The doctor asks Daryle, “What would happen if I cut off one of your ears?”

Daryle says, “I’d be half blind.”

The doctor, slightly puzzled, continues, “What would happen if I cut off both your ears?”

“I’d be completely blind.”

“Daryle, how can you explain that you’d be blind?” asks the doctor.

“Well,” replies Daryle, “my hat would fall over my eyes.”

And one from my friend Paul:

A little old lady is sitting on a park bench in “The
Villages,” a Florida adult community.

A man walks over and sits down on the other end of the
bench.

After a few moments, the woman asks, “Are you a stranger
here?”

He replies, “I lived here years ago.”

“So, where were you all these years?”

“In prison,” he says.

“Why did they put you in prison?”

He looks at her and very quietly says, “I killed my wife.”

“Oh!” says the woman. “So you’re single?”

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Entry filed under: Friday Funny, Humor.

A place for the people nobody else wants. Why the sky is not falling. (article reprint)

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. April  |  March 21, 2009 at 8:46 am

    I like those, especially the one about andy and daryle.

    Miss you guys!!

  • 2. Kaylee  |  March 20, 2009 at 1:27 pm

    Funny! 🙂 And nice colors 🙂

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