Friday Funny-Redneck jokes.

May 16, 2008 at 9:34 am 4 comments

When we were in Washington a couple of weeks ago someone asked me why I hadn’t done any redneck jokes for my Friday Funny since we are currently located in what they believed to be the center of the redneck universe.  My response is the one Pastor Andy gives when he talks about rednecks: “those redneck jokes hurt our feelings”!

But I thought I would run a few out there today even though I know right away I am going to alienate a good portion of my readers.  Maybe later we will do some liberal jokes for the people of the NW.

YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF….

Your house still has the “WIDE LOAD” sign on the back. 
You think Possum is “The Other White Meat”
You think a quarter horse is a ride out in front of
the Wal-Mart.
You think safe sex is a padded headboard.
You think subdivision is part of a math problem.
Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy
Queen.

You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner
are “Gentlemen, start your engines.”
You believe dual air bags refer to your wife and
mother-in-law.
You’ve got more than one brother named ‘Darryl’.
You think fast food is hitting a possum at 65 mph.
You have a bumper sticker that says, “MY MOTHER’S AN HONOR STUDENT AT SOUTH LITTLE ROCK JR. HIGH.” Your family tree has no forks.
You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since
“Smokey and the Bandit” was snubbed for best picture.
You consider your license plate personalized because
your dad made it in prison.
The third grade teacher says little Bubba could be a
mathematical genius because he’s got thirteen fingers.
You have to go outside to get something out of the
‘fridge.
A seven course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.
Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your
belt buckle.
Your dad walks you to school because you are both in
the same grade.
Your house doesn’t have curtains, but your truck does.
You need one more hole punched in your card to get a
freebie at the House of Tattoos.
On your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow
the keys to the tractor.
If you refer to the fifth grade as, “your senior
year”.
You’ve ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of
paint to defend your sister’s honor.
It’s easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow
it.
You think the three primary colors are John Deere
Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray.
You’ve been on TV more than 5 times describing the
sound of a tornado.
You dated your daddy’s current wife in high school.
Your aunt and your grandmother went to the funeral and
had a fight over who gets to be the widow.
You’re a lite beer drinker ’cause you start drinkin’
beer when it gets light.

You think the stock market has fence around it.
You think a woman who is “out of your league” bowls on
a different night.
Your brother-in-law is your uncle AND your
grandfather.
You believe that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of
the major food groups.
You stare at an orange juice container because it
says, “CONCENTRATE”.
Your idea of high quality entertainment is a six pack and a bug-zapper.
You think “taking out the trash” means taking your
in-laws to a movie.
Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.
The taillight covers of your car are made of red tape.
You have every episode of Hee-Haw on tape.
You’ve ever been involved in a custody fight over a
hunting dog.
Your kids take a siphon hose to “Show and Tell.”
You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.
You think the French Riviera is a foreign car.
You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.
Your wife’s hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
Your child’s first words were “Attention K-Mart
shoppers!”
You do your serious Christmas shopping at the Flying J truck stop.
You wish your outhouse was as nice as those at the
state park.
You think the winter olympic sport of curling is part
of the “Big Hair” competition.
You have more belt-buckles than pants.
You removed the back seat from your car so all yer
kids could fit in.

That’s it. I am not hurting my friends feelings anymore, just to get a few laughs! Have a wonderful weekend!

 

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Entry filed under: Culture, Family, Friday Funny, Friendship, Humor, Uncategorized.

Kingdom.15 “So what?” Monday morning meanderings. Vol.45

4 Comments Add your own

  • 1. amanda  |  May 18, 2008 at 9:59 pm

    how about when you mow your lawn and find a car?

  • 2. Linda  |  May 17, 2008 at 1:16 pm

    What are you if your picnic table is a cable spool? Only half-a-red-neck?

    L

  • 3. kaylee  |  May 16, 2008 at 4:33 pm

    I hope you’ve heard/read the You Might Be from the Pacific Northwest If….
    It’s a good one….and sadly, it’s mostly true. I think it’s hilarious.
    I’m liking your Friday Funny thing!

  • 4. Brad H.  |  May 16, 2008 at 9:56 am

    That’s impressive, I have only heard like two of those before, and thats coming from the guy who shot down his last Christmas tree with a Shotgun. I have been told I have redneck tendencies before!

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