Hey Rachel, start laughing.

August 18, 2007 at 10:55 am 5 comments

My Dad gave us Readers Digest as a Christmas gift, actually as the Christmas gift.  These jokes made it worth having to read stories of rescued telephone repairman and diets that work for well for Russian gymnasts.

The September issue has some great jokes.  So Rachel here you go:

I tried to walk into Target, but I missed.  Mitch Hedberg

How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand. Emo Philips

First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.  Steve Martin

My problem is I belong to so many anonymous groups, everybody knows who I am.  Nancy Redman

If carrots are so good for your eyes, why are there so many dead rabbits on the highway? Richard Jeni

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?”  She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.  Brian Kiley,

At what age do you tell a highway it’s adopted?  I think around seven because that’s when they start wondering, Hey, I don’t look like the Kiwanis Club.  Zach Galifianakis

A new computer virus is going around.  Office workers everywhere will now be forced to play solitaire with real cards.  Craig Kilborn

The problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis but only enough blood to run one at a time.  Robin Williams.  (it was in Readers Digest!?)

Michael Jackson is the spokesperson for people who cut off their noses to spite their face. Dennis Miller

You don’t get married to get sex.  Getting married to get sex is like buying a 747 to get free peanuts. Jeff Foxworthy

About a month ago I got a cactus.  And a week later, it died. I got really depressed because it was like, Damn I am less nuturing than a desert.  Demetri Martin

A computer geek is crossing the road when he sees a frog who opens his mouth and starts talking.  “If you kiss me,” the frog says, “I’ll turn into a beautiful princess, stay with you for a week and do anything you want.”  The guy smiles and puts the frog in his pocket. “Did you hear me?” asks the frog?” A beautiful princess? For a week?” “Look,” says the nerd, “I havent’ got time for a girlfriend.  But a talking frog-now that’s cool.” Stuart Wignall

It is the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.  George Carlin

Hope you enjoyed crossing the line with these guys!


Entry filed under: Culture, Humor.

Resisting forgiveness. Monday morning meanderings. Vol 8

5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. amanda  |  August 21, 2007 at 9:10 pm

    o my! I don’t know about Russian gymnast diets, i kinda like reader’s digest. I do like the jokes though.

  • 2. Rachel  |  August 19, 2007 at 7:01 pm

    ha ha ha! Greg, You’re a funny one. 🙂 I always liked reading the real life dramas. They’re intense! 🙂

  • 3. BS  |  August 19, 2007 at 10:03 am

    i LOVE demitri martin!
    good jokes and i’m glad that most of them were pc.
    plus, i’ve always wondered when we should start adopting a highway.

  • 4. formedofclay  |  August 18, 2007 at 7:37 pm

    Thanks, I needed that!

  • 5. momlovesbeingathome  |  August 18, 2007 at 4:00 pm

    Those are funny!!! Thanks for sharing them. 🙂

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