Stab me in the front.

February 25, 2007 at 2:24 pm 5 comments

Think friendship.  What comes to mind?  Did a face appear?  Did the thought of someone long ago come to mind?  Was there an attribute that jumped out when you thought-friendship?  Who is your best friend?  Why? Because you want them to be?  Is your friendship mutual?  When you think friendship do you think-loneliness?

You discover your wife is cheating on you-who do you tell?

Your daughter is unmarried and pregnant-who will share your pain?

Your child is gay-with whom will you share your heart?

You have lost your job because of something stupid that you did and with all the shame-who do you turn to?

You have handled your money poorly and now things are a mess-who will help you?

You can’t seem to drag yourself away from the images on your computer screen, you need help-who will it be?

Your spouse drinks too much and no one but you knows-is there someone you can tell?

These are situations that cry out for a friend, do you have one?  No fair counting the confidentiality of your pastor or counselor.

It is a sad commentary on our lives that few have anyone with whom they could entrust such tough information.  It is a sadder commentary on our faith communities.

An old proverb says: A friend is someone to whom you may pour out the contents of your heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that the gentlest of hands will sift it, keep what is worth keeping and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away.

A friend is someone who is still there when the whole world has gone away.  You can tell a real friend by the fact that when you make a fool of yourself he doesn’t feel you have done a permanent job.

I have thought a lot about friendship lately and have been learning some important things about it.  Perhaps the most important is that friendship needs real honesty both when there is something good that needs to be said and something uncomfortable that needs to be said.

I need friends who will tell me when I have hurt them and will tell me when I have blessed them.  Friends who will tell me when I have played the fool and when I am being played for a fool.  Friends speak the truth, even when the truth hurts. 

Oscar Wilde said, A true friend always stabs you in the front.     Ouch!

More on friendship later.

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Entry filed under: Church, Culture, Friendship.

Follow-up to yesterdays post. Coinciding egoisms.

5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Jamie  |  March 4, 2007 at 9:32 am

    P.S. Thanks for your words…so great to “hear you speak” again! You are truly blessed with poignant writing. I have looked and looked and no one can captivate in the pulpit like you.
    Keep up the great writings; I will keep reading!

  • 2. Jamie  |  March 3, 2007 at 11:46 pm

    Friendship; something I once saw as unconditional, clean, fair, changing yet mending, stable, honest – I have challenged the meaning of friendship for the past 7 years. I once made a choice to walk a path that I never would have pictured myself treading upon. Prior to my life experience, I had a a harsh tongue to those who “picked” the path I did. Then God decided to challenge my speak and I failed.
    Admist all of my decisions, I didn’t see how I affected my friendships; 7 years later I know that was not what most of them were.
    Friendship is unconditional (if it is true) – it is accepting no matter what your choices are. It is arms around you when you are weak, it’s tears when you are sad, it’s a high five when your glad, it’s laughter when you need it, it doesn’t give up (I Cor. 13).
    Friendship is the words of one loving person in my life who days after my fall said “Those who really know you and love you, love you today the same as they did before they knew anything different. They just love you.” Etched on my heart are those words. They gave me the confidence to start to hold my head up again and believe that one day I would find a friend who would “just love me”…

  • 3. Danna  |  February 26, 2007 at 2:03 pm

    A friend like that is someone who you know is always going to be there for you. You can go six months or two/three years without seeing or talking much and pick up right where you left off. It is someone who loves you no matter what. They can stop you in your tracks from your pity party and tell you to buck it up and get on with life. And it doesn’t blow you out of the water. What one isn’t is someone who can read your mind, who knows what you are thinking, when you are hurting, when you are lonely, when you need an ear to hear and a mouth to speak the truth. Sometimes vain imaginations can make us think no one cares but in fact maybe those “friends” are hurting too. We must be the active person in a friendship. . After all honesty means letting a person know when we are in need or when we have victory. A friend loves us at all times. The only “friend” that will ALWAYS be there and ALWAYS read our mind is Jesus. . . . . And no person can make us happy and at peace then that relationship. A lesson I learned when I was a new Christian and still works (if I can pick myself up and make myself do it) is when I am depressed, lonely, hurting, feeling overwhelmed. . . go out and do as much good deeds and blessings as I can for others. There is no medicine like getting away from ourselves and being a blessing to others. . . .

  • 4. Dan Triplett  |  February 25, 2007 at 4:07 pm

    Stab me in the front. I’ve had friends do this very thing and it’s these friends that are still there for me. I look forward to more of your comments on relationships. I enjoy reading the blog. I’ve got one of my own now but there’s nothing on it. 🙂 not yet anyway. Keep it up!

  • 5. Mike S  |  February 25, 2007 at 2:55 pm

    Can/should a brother be a best friend? Can/should a mate be a best friend? Am I to proud even to tell my best friend if I really have a best friend? Am I afraid to tell them something I have done that I am not proud of? If I know my best friend would disapprove would I tell him? I know I have friends I can tell or talk to about my daughters pregnacy. Will I admit my shortcomings to anyone, especially a best friend whom I want to think the best of me?

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