I don’t want to die.
Jesus wants you dead-Todd Pierce
The call is to die daily and that is just a little too regular for me-Andy Taylor
Lose your life for my sake and the gospel…-Jesus
For a number of months now I have been trying to avoid the reality that death is the call on anyone who chooses to accept the invitation to follow Jesus. I don’t like it, I fight it, I avoid thinking about it, I try to make excuses, I suggest I have the right to whatever it is I won’t give up. I try to figure out what else He might mean because there is no way He could mean that. I suggest to myself that it really was just a manner of speaking, a metaphor about the seriousness of being a follower, but He really didn’t mean to die every day, to lose my life every day. Did He?
But none of my explanations work. I can’t explain it away. No excuse makes it, I need to die, and I need to die, regularly. I need to wake each day to the reality that Jesus wants me dead, if I am to get any kind of clue as to what it means to live.
Some how when I commit suicide, as it relates to my goals, my dreams, my desires, my will, my attitude, my drive to get even, my hope for recognition, my need for restoration, my drive to succeed, my desire to be vindicated, my, my, my… Somehow when I commit daily suicide of my self, the life I truly seek is resurrected in me as Jesus comes back to life in my very being.
Over and over, many times every day, I must choose the Father’s will over mine. Jesus “endured the cross for the joy set before Him”. Death, daily death, moment by moment death is for the joy set before me.
I don’t want to die. I hate it, actually. I seldom ever come to it joyfully but when I go ahead and die, the resurrection is always joyful. Every time I go ahead with the self-death-suicide, I find I come a little more alive.
But it has to be an every day deal. Once is never enough.
CS Lewis wrote “The terrible thing, the almost impossible thing, is to hand over your whole self, all your wishes and precautions to–Christ.
I am pretty sure that every thing wrong with the world, church, marriage, family, relationships of all kinds, would all be made right if we would die a little more regular.
Any thoughts? I hate dying alone.